In Love or Just Friends?

^{John 21: 15-17 NRSVU}

¹⁵ When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love (agape) me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love (phileo) you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my lambs.” ¹⁶ A second time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love 9agape) me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love (phileo) you.” Jesus said to him, “Tend my sheep.” ¹⁷ He said to him the third time, “Simon son of John, do you love (phileo) me?” Peter felt hurt because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” And he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love (phileo) you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep."

The Greek word "agape" refers to the self-giving, unconditional love that originates in God. The Greek word "phileo" refers to deep friendship. When Jesus asks Peter about "agape", Peter responds with phileo. We are like Peter. We don't come to God with agape. Our early response and commitment might best be described as phileo. Like Peter, there are limits to what we are willing to yield. That's how we arrive, but God doesn't want us to stay there

In our hearts, we know that we approach giving very differently for those we love versus those we like. We understand the difference. For a parent who holds their newborn child in their arms for the first, in that moment, there is no material possession that they wouldn't yield for the benefit of that child (because of the love they feel). When giving flows from our love, it focusses on a desire to bring joy, to bring honor, to meet needs (without a primary focus on cost). So, most parents routinely not only give of what they have but also incur debt in pursuit of the children's wellbeing. However, the ultimate testament of their love is that they yield not just their things, but themselves.

For those we only like, we establish stronger boundaries and give with much greater restraint. For those we only like, we give great attention to the issue of cost. 

Our spiritual attitudes toward giving and our gifts themselves reflect where we are on the path toward agape. God uses our material gifts as training wheels on that path, but we should understand that those gifts are not the goal. He desires our hearts, and our material gifts reveal where our heart is. He desires that we would give our total selves to Him as an act of love. He leads by example and asks that we (His beloved children) would follow that lead by mimicking the actions of His Son.

            Ephesians 5:1-2 (ESV)

            1) Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2) And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Christ gave Himself up for us because He loves us. Christ became an offering for us. Christ became a sacrifice for us. The question each believer must answer is whether we love Him enough to imitate Him and give ourselves back to Him and each other in return.

Let me paraphrase Romans 12:1. I beg you my sisters and brothers, in light of God’s mercies toward us, that we present ourselves as living offerings, holy and acceptable to God. This is our spiritual act of worship. Let us not succumb to the thinking of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our minds as we are tested; that we may discern the will of God (which is good, acceptable and perfect).

It's ok if you're not there yet. Keep walking toward Him. Keep spending time with Him. Keep getting to know Him. Whether this is your first date or tenth, just understand that He has already fallen in love with you and wants you to do the same. Don't stay where you are, grow toward agape.